Thursday, April 9, 2015 the day before Tabatha Darling’s burial, Evan and I were given the opportunity to dress our baby. We were somewhat apprehensive beforehand, but when we entered the small quiet room that they placed her in, we felt a sense of comfort and peace. We worked together to dress her in a beautiful long lace gown and sheer lace bonnet. I put makeup on her delicate little face to get her ready for the viewing. Foundation, powder, blush and lipstick, she looked beautiful. It was a bittersweet moment for me knowing that I would never be able to place makeup on her for dress up, a dance recital or a prom date. I had to remember that with her condition she was never meant to have any of those things in this life. I felt extremely grateful for the opportunity to bond with her during that time. It filled a void that I didn’t realize was even there. We held and kissed her one last time before we placed her in her tiny white casket that was decorated with white sheer ruffles and light pink bows.

In the weeks and months before we had our Tabatha Darling, Evan and I discussed having a large funeral service for our baby. However, from the moment she was born, we had felt protective of her. Since she was special, tiny and sacred to us, we ultimately decided that she needed a service that reflected how we felt about her.

Friday, April 10, 2015, one of the most memorable days of our lives. Just ten of our immediate family members were in attendance including Evan and I. We had a viewing followed by a short graveside service. The spot we picked for Tabatha’s resting place overlooks the entire cemetery. It is set upon a hillside next to a cute little tree. It is now Tabatha’s tree. We placed several photos in her casket: a photo of Evan and I on our wedding day in front of the San Diego Temple to remind her that we are sealed together forever, a few photos of the three of us as a family in the hospital, some from our maternity photo session and a few of our favorite depictions of the Savior.

At the graveside service, Evan conducted and expressed such sweet words about our beliefs about the importance of family and life after death. He shared his testimony about the plan of salvation with Jesus Christ being the cornerstone of that plan. He expressed how families can have lasting happiness in this life and the next, despite our tribulations. I too was able to share my feelings, and how we can overcome not only physical death, but spiritual death as well. I shared a scripture on how we believe that babies are perfect and that our Tabatha Darling is no exception. I expressed how grateful I was that our baby will not have to endure pain in this life. How she will never have to feel something as painful as losing a child, losing a spouse or any other heartache. Rarely have I felt the Spirit as strong as I did on that hillside. I will never forget it.

When we were finished with our remarks, Evan dedicated Tabatha’s grave as a resting place for her body. He set it apart as a sacred and hallowed place, where our family can visit and have peace. Each person in attendance placed a light pink rose on her casket before her body was lowered into the ground. I felt a sense of peace and calmness. At that very moment, I knew that though her mortal body was in that tiny box, her spirit was not. What a comforting feeling to know that death is not the end of the relationships with those whom we care for the most!

Although this experience has been difficult at times, I am grateful for it. I am thankful to be a mother to a perfect baby who simply needed a body so she could quickly return back to heaven. We don’t always know the reason behind why we are given trials or why things happen the way that they do. But I know that it is all a part of a larger plan. It would be easy for us to focus on what we have lost, but I feel we have gained so much more.

Since Evan and I found out in December 2014 that we were having a baby with Trisomy 18, we have been so richly blessed. How much stronger is my testimony of forever families? How much more do I appreciate the time we have in this life? How much more closely bonded am I with my husband? Those blessings are immeasurable. And though we are still grieving the loss of our sweet Tabatha, we look forward to continuing to grow our little Wagley family.