The fun never ends!  About 11 days ago I began to feel a tremendous amount of pain in my left leg and it started to swell and turn purple.  We started doing some research online and came to the conclusion it was probably DVT, Deep Vein Thrombosis, also known as a blood clot in the leg. So that night, Tuesday night, Evan took me to the ER.  Since Evan had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung which can be fatal) 10 years ago, we were definitely sensitive to them.  I had a blood clot test done in the Emergency Room with a Doppler which came back negative.  They said there wasn’t much they could do at that point and sent us home.  But the pain and swelling continued to get worse.  A few days later, on Friday, I went to see my obstetrician to get a second opinion.  He reassured me that since the test came back negative that it was probably just the pressure from the baby coming down on my one leg. It didn’t seem right. I went home and continued to hurt more and more each day. Monday night I asked Evan to take me back to the ER because the pain was unbearable and I just knew something was wrong. They ran the same scan that they ran 9 days before during my last ER visit for a blood clot and it came back POSITIVE! I have several large clots in my left leg. I was relieved and mad at the same time. How could they have missed something that seemed so obvious? I was angry that I spent so much time in pain because they didn’t catch the clots, that to the hospital staff, appeared to be so large and easy to spot. I was in a situation where we could be faced with a pulmonary embolism, stroke or worse, death. What impact would all of this have on the baby? They quickly admitted me to the hospital early Tuesday morning and started me on Lovanox for the clots and Norco for the pain. Twice daily they monitor the heartbeat of the baby. The rest of the time, Evan and I sit in our hospital room, either playing cards, watching a movie, or sleeping. Sounds like the perfect vacation, right?!  I feel so blessed to have my husband here with me through every step. He’s a trooper. Taking one for the team, sleeping on the “mini-couch” as he refers to it, being bored from the monotony of doing practically nothing all day, and tired of the cafeteria food, but I know there is no other place he would rather be. That helps me to rest easy. Thank goodness for his job and the ability to be with us through this whole ordeal. Having him as my support system has made this entire experience much more manageable, and somewhat pleasant. I wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world; expect for maybe a spa day followed by all you can eat Sushi Deli.

It’s now Thursday and I hope to be released before the weekend but we won’t know for sure until they see how my blood clots have responded to the treatment.  I have three really big clots and several small ones. Because of the pregnancy, I am not able to be on regular blood thinners. Once I leave the hospital, I will have to take shots twice a day for the duration of my pregnancy to keep the clots under control. This morning I got to “practice” giving myself the Lovanox shots. Once I deliver, I can take more aggressive blood thinners for one to three months, which will ultimately help to dissolve the clots.

During my entire pregnancy, I have been extremely active including 4-5 mile walks 5 days a week. Now walking all the way to the bathroom 6 feet away from my hospital bed is the extent of my moving around for now. This is not just a physical ailment; it becomes more difficult mentally to stay positive and hopeful. Being cooped up in a hospital room all day is not my favorite thing in the world. But knowing that there is a light at the end of this painful clot-filled tunnel, is somewhat of a relief.

When I saw my doctor last Friday for the second opinion on my leg, we discussed plans for baby Wagley’s delivery. We decided that we would induce baby Wagley early. We are tentatively looking at week 36 as the due date. Because the baby is experiencing some degree of heart failure, we feel we would have a better shot at spending some time with her if she comes earlier rather than later. Under the circumstances with the blood clots, it also gives me a better timeframe of using more aggressive means of dissolving them.

Just as I was starting to feel defeated after a few days in the hospital, this morning I over heard a few nurses in the hallway talking about a woman that was being released from the unit who came in a few days ago who could no longer feel her baby moving.  She is now leaving the hospital without a baby.  I don’t think any situation is easier than another, but I feel grateful for the time I am able to prepare mentally and emotionally for what we are experiencing, and will continue to experience, in the coming months.  I look back on the day that we found out about the Trisomy 18 diagnosis.  We were heartbroken. But over the last couple months, it has definitely strengthened us.  Being able to discuss options with Evan, cry here and there, and be able to work through this cycle of emotions has been a huge blessing.  I feel like I’ve said this before in previous blog post but if we can learn to endure through the hard times it will strengthen us beyond measure.  It’s difficult to quantify how much we grow when hard things happen, but it is measurable in some ways.  If we choose to fight the inevitable, I believe it will weaken us and eventually break us down.  I’m grateful for my husband’s help and love through this hard time.  If we aren’t prepared for these hiccups that happen to us we are bound to struggle and have a more difficult time when things get tough.  This time on earth is a proving ground.  We are meant to learn how to deal with the thoughts and emotions that come from our experiences.  As we do so, our capacity to handle hard things will increase.  I believe that whatever situation we are going through is to prepare us for something greater.  Through the difficulties that we have faced with this pregnancy, we have continued to feel positive.  My testimony of the love my Heavenly Father has for me is real. Knowing that we will be together as a family forever gives me a reassurance that this is not the end. Instead, it’s a preparation for the future.

It has been hard for me to sleep in this hospital bed.  The discomfort of just being pregnant, the nurse giving me medication every couple of hours in the middle of the night, and all the constant beeping of all the machines I’m hooked up to makes for less than ideal sleeping arrangements.  I say this in hopes that my story doesn’t sound too muddled and incoherent!  I will continue to keep you all informed as we get closer to Baby Wagley’s next big doctor’s appointment in about a week.